Connie’s Courage Read online

  Lost in his own dreams, Harry was barely aware of the angry grimness in Rosa’s eyes as she watched him. He was not behaving as she had planned for him to do. And yesterday she had received a letter from her cousin Gerald’s sister, Phyllis, confiding to her that she was sure that her brother was about to propose to the heiress he had been pursuing. Which meant that she had to move fast if she were to announce her own engagement first, as she was determined to do.

  Phyllis had no idea of Rosa’s feelings for her brother, or of her already considerably intimate involvement with him. Those secret meetings, and stolen kisses and caresses, were known only to the two of them for obvious reasons, and her frequent visits to see her ‘dearest cousin, had been little more than a device to enable her to be with Gerald.

  She couldn’t understand why on earth Harry was taking so long to propose to her. After all, she had given him enough hints and opportunities. She couldn’t afford to waste any more time though. She would have to take matters into her own hands now.

  Fixing a smile on her lips, she began sweetly, ‘Papa has been asking me if you have yet made a formal declaration to me, Harry! He will be very angry with you if he thinks you are trifling with my affections, and indeed he has told me that he is disappointed that you are being such a laggard, and so am I.’

  Whilst she was speaking she had placed her hand on his arm, and Harry had had to control an ungentlemanly desire to shake it off. Now he could feel the shock surging through his body like ice water freezing his veins. The tiny hairs at the back of his neck lifted, as he struggled to make sense of what Rosa was saying.

  How on earth could half a dozen forced and uncomfortable meetings between them; meetings which had been forced upon him by Rosa’s own father, possibly constitute any attempt to trifle with Rosa’s affections? There was nothing about Rosa he had any desire whatsoever to trifle with, Harry acknowledged guiltily. In fact, if anything, what he felt toward her was something much closer to wary distaste than desire.

  For all her outward docility and sweetness, Rosa had an implacably strong will, and could produce hysterical outbursts of shattering intensity whenever she was thwarted. To Harry, she was a duty her father had thrust on him, and one he felt increasingly burdened with. Rosa’s announcement appalled him, and his first instinct was to roundly and soundly contradict her words. But Harry had a gentle soul and had been brought up to be good-mannered, and thoughtful of the feelings of others. Even so …

  Rosa, I have behaved toward you with propriety at all times,’ he told her firmly. ‘And I am sure that your father knows this. After all, it was at his suggestion that -’

  ‘Harry, what are you saying? she interrupted him immediately, her voice starting to rise as she added, ‘you know how much I love you. And you have made me believe that you return my feelings!

  She had started to tremble and her eyes were filling with tears.

  Why on earth was he being so difficult, Rosa wondered angrily. Surely he must know how very fortunate he would be to get someone like her for his wife. He was the poorest of all the teachers, with no income other than what he earned, whereas she -whilst according to Gerald, not a wealthy heiress -did have an allowance from her father and an income from the money left in trust for her by her mother.

  Marriage to her would greatly enhance his financial position and his status within the school, and were it not for her all consuming desire to get back at Gerald, there was no way she would consider him as a husband.

  That he should seem so unaware and appreciative of his good fortune was fostering resentment inside her that she was finding hard to contain. It was, she decided furiously, a great pity that she couldn’t find a more suitable candidate for the role of her husband!

  The plain truth was that Rosa was used to getting her own way. She had learned young that the merest hint of a temper tantrum from her was enough to have her father cravenly giving in to her. Gerald, of course, had been totally impervious to such manipulation, but Rosa had believed that Harry was made of much weaker, and far more gentlemanly, stuff than her cousin.

  Gerald she knew, for instance, would have no qualms whatsoever about forcing his heiress into marriage by compromising her, if he had to; just as he had had no qualms about seducing Rosa, and then laughing at her when she had let him see that she had expected a proposal.

  Harry could feel his discomfort growing, and to his shame, with it, his panic. He felt as though he was being sucked down into a frighteningly dangerous quicksand from which there was no escape. Behind the emotion in Rosa’s eyes he could see a sharp gleam of hard calculation, which alarmed him even more.

  ‘You must not tease me so, Harry,’ she told him determinedly. ‘How can you be so cruel? I know you love me. Do you think I would have allowed you the liberties I have, if you didn’t?’

  Harry stared at her. What on earth was she talking about? There had been no ‘liberties’ either taken or wanted, even if he had been forced into Rosa’s company by her father’s insistence that he helped Rosa with her plans to impress the parents of their pupils.

  ‘Do you think my father would have allowed us to be alone together if he did not think of you as my fiancé?’ she continued, pressing home her advantage. ‘If you do not propose to me now, Harry, you will be totally disgraced. My father will see to that!

  Rosa cast him a reproachful look.

  ‘You should have proposed to me at Christmas. I was expecting you to do so, and so was my father! Everyone was expecting you to do so, Harry, she told him dramatically, and Harry felt untruthfully, ‘and you have shamed me by not doing.

  Propose to Rosa? There was only one woman he wanted to make his wife! Harry tried to think of Connie behaving as Rosa was doing but it was impossible to imagine Connie playing out such a role. Connie. How his heart ached with love for her! As it would never ever ache with love for Rosa.

  He took a deep breath. This whole ridiculous business had to stop right now. ‘Rosa. Please listen to me. I beg you to … He was trying to be gentle, but as he struggled for the right words she suddenly flew toward him and gripped hold of his gown. Her waiting ears had caught a sound that Harry’s had not – her father was approaching.

  ‘No, Harry. I beg you,’ she interrupted him passionately. ‘I beg you not to deny my love. You must not deny me. I shall not let you!

  As he opened his mouth to protest, to Harry’s shock, Rosa suddenly pressed her own mouth hotly and intimately against his. Harry felt his whole body stiffen in rejection, but Rosa continued to press herself up against him.

  ‘Dear me! I trust this tender scene I am interrupting means that I am about to receive a request from you for my daughter’s hand, Harry.’

  Harry went cold as, as though on cue, Rosa’s father walked into the room.

  He was a charitably-minded young man but he could not help noticing the gleaming look of triumph Rosa cast him, as she stepped demurely away from him.

  ‘Harry has just asked me to be his wife, Father, and was about to seek you out.’

  ‘I should hope so, indeed,’ Mr Cartwright agreed sternly, before adding, ‘Harry, you may present yourself to me in my study before you leave.’

  Harry listened in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening!

  But it was, and as he looked into the faces of the Head of House and his daughter, Harry was filled with the heart-sinking realisation that he was caught in a trap from which, as a gentleman, there was no possible escape.

  A little enviously Connie paused as she crossed the busy entrance hall. Outside the sun was shining brightly, and she had just seen Mavis saying an obviously reluctant goodbye to Frank.

  Sometimes just recently, it seemed to Connie that everyone she knew, apart from herself, was courting, and all the rumours that there could soon be a war had not helped. Young lovers were rushing to marry for fear of being parted.

  Even Josie had confided blushingly to them the previous week that she had been asked out. ‘'E’s nobbut a delivery lad, like. He deliv
ers me aunt’s bread.

  ‘Well if you like him, Josie, there’s no reason why you should not go out with him, Mavis had assured her in a kind motherly voice, before adding firmly, ‘but you mustn’t let him take any kind of liberties with you.

  ‘Oh no, Ted’s not that sort,’ Josie had assured her quickly. ‘But if there is to be a war and he gets to be called up …

  ‘We don’t know that there is to be a war yet, Josie, Connie had told her sharply, ‘and if there is to be one, somehow I don’t think His Majesty will be needing the likes of a baker’s lad, not when he’s got so many fine soldiers to call on.’

  Josie had bristled a little at Connie’s dry comment, but, as Connie had confided to Mavis later, she didn’t want Josie doing something she might regret, because she thought her admirer was going to be called for a soldier.

  ‘Everyone says that if there is to be a war then it will be over within weeks, Connie had reminded Mavis.

  ‘Oh, Connie, I do hope it doesn’t come to that, Mavis had responded. ‘When one sees some of the poor soldiers from the Crimea.

  They had both fallen silent, thinking about the limbless men who sold matches on street corners, in an effort to earn a few shillings. Sometimes little more than rags were wrapped around the stumps of their amputated arms or legs, and there was always somehow a look in their eyes that made one want to hurry away.

  She wouldn’t have anyone thinking that she was envious because her friends were walking out with someone, and she wasn’t, Connie decided, tossing her head a little. Because she wasn’t. Not for one single minute!

  Mavis had seen her and was making her way over to her, beaming happily. ‘Connie, it’s the most beautiful day,’ she announced dreamily.

  ‘You’d think any day was beautiful if you were going out with your Frank. I reckon you think the sun shines out of his backside,’ Connie teased Mavis earthily. ‘Time was, when all we ever heard of you was, Harry this, and Harry that, and now that brother of yours might just as well not exist, because it’s all Frank says, Frank thinks …’

  No sooner was Harry’s name out of her mouth than Connie wondered angrily what on earth had made her utter it. The last thing she wanted was to have Mavis thinking she was sweet on her brother! If she did, she was bound to say something to him, and then he might start thinking that she, Connie, was regretting the way she had turned him down. And then he might …

  Well, whatever he might do, she wasn’t interested! All men were the same so far as she was concerned. You couldn’t trust a one of them, no matter how much they sweet-talked you, Kieron had proved that to her!

  Unaware of Connie’s unhappy thoughts, Mavis was both blushing and laughing at the same time, as she tried to look prim.

  ‘For your information, the reason I haven’t mentioned Harry recently is because he’s been so busy that he’s barely had time to telephone or write home, never mind visit. We all know that it’s because his Housemaster thinks so highly of him that he gives Harry so much extra responsibility, but I know, too, that although she doesn’t say so, Mother misses seeing him. I shall ask Mama to tell Harry that you were asking after him though, Connie.

  ‘No … no you mustn’t do that.

  When Mavis stared at her, Connie amended hurriedly, ‘What I mean is, that I wouldn’t want your brother to think I was being critical of him for not coming home more frequently, Mavis. After all, it’s nothing to me what he chooses to do! she added sharply.

  What on earth had made her say that? Connie was furious with herself. Why should she be interested in Harry? She wasn’t. Not one little bit! Anyone would think she was regretting having turned him down, and she wasn’t. After all, she had given him a chance to reassure her and he hadn’t taken it, had he? And she knew why! It was because he had been lying about loving her in the first place!

  How could he really love her, knowing what he did about her? How could any decent young man?

  She only had to think about what their own mother would have had to say if John, for instance, had brought home a girl with a past like Connie’s. She wouldn’t even have been allowed in over the doorstep!

  And folks – families – did ask questions when one of their number made plans to wed. Vera had told them all, in an aggrieved voice, how many questions she had been asked by Bert’s mother and grandmother. ‘Nosy pair!’ she had told them, tossing her head.

  ‘We’ve both got time off at the end of August, Connie, and I was hoping that you would come to New Brighton with me,’ she heard Mavis saying placidly, as she finally managed to drag her thoughts away from her friend’s brother. ‘I know that Mother and Sophie are longing to see you, and Sophie hasn’t forgotten that, thanks to you, Mother has agreed that she may have her ears pierced.’

  Immediately Connie’s expression softened. ‘Sophie has written to me to tell me that she’s grown nearly three inches, and that soon she will be nearly as tall as your mother.’

  ‘Oh, Connie!’ Emotional tears filled Mavis’s eyes. ‘None of us will ever forget that, but for you, she would not be here.’

  ‘That’s nonsense,’ Connie told her bracingly. ‘I nursed her, that’s all. Anyone …’

  ‘No,’ Mavis stopped her fiercely. ‘You saved her life, Connie. You will come to New Brighton with me, won’t you?’

  ‘Oh, go on then. I’ll be needing a bit of bracing fresh air by then, especially seein’ as Vera caught me at a weak moment, and I’ve promised to have tea with her on me next full day off.’ She pulled a wry face. ‘Like as not she’ll be on at me to go out dancing with her – Josie said that she was trying to persuade her to go out with her last Saturday night,’ Connie added.

  ‘I know,’ Mavis agreed. ‘And I told Josie she should remind Vera that she’s a married woman now, with a husband to take her out.’

  ‘Yes, and that, unlike her, we are on our feet all day long, not sitting on our backsides. I thought they had us working hard in our first year, Mavis, but that was nothing to what we have to do now. Sister has me working flat out from the minute I get on the ward – and she’s got me looking after the new First Years,’ Connie complained.

  ‘That’s because she knows what a good nurse you are, Connie,’ Mavis comforted her, loyally, knowing that it was the truth.

  ‘If you say so, Mavis,’ Connie teased her. ‘But it doesn’t stop my poor feet aching fit to burst out of my shoes!’

  They talked for several minutes about their work, and then Connie exclaimed, ‘It’s coming up for your birthday in September. I expect that Frank will be popping the question then, and giving you a ring.’

  Mavis blushed and laughed, and then shook her head, but before she could say anything, another nurse came over to join them, putting an end to their private conversation.

  ‘Ah, there you are, Pride. We’ve had a new admission whilst you were off duty. A stab wound. He was lucky that Mr Clegg was here and was able to deal with it promptly, otherwise he would have more than likely bled to death. As it is, his breathing isn’t very good, and he’s going to need careful watching.

  ‘I’ll keep my eye on him, Sister,’ Connie responded dutifully and calmly, her hands folded neatly in front of her stiffly starched apron, as she stood waiting to receive the Ward Sister’s instructions. The two new First Years were standing next to her, and Connie could feel their awe and their apprehension.

  It seemed such a long time ago now since she herself had been in their shoes, and after Sister had dismissed them, Connie gave the bolder of the First Years a warning frown as one girl immediately started to hurry away.

  ‘No running, Nurse, she reminded her sharply, whilst secretly she couldn’t help comparing them to how she herself had been. She smiled ruefully, remembering her impetuosity of those days, shaking her head a little over her youthful folly.

  Tonight was her first night on night duty, after two weeks on days, and automatically Connie paused to check the corners of the beds to see that the sheets and blankets were straight and tight.

>   ‘You know that new patient who was stabbed,’ the other First Year told Connie excitedly. ‘He’s a real bad lot, by all accounts, and should have bin left to die and not had his life saved. Leastways, that’s what I heard Sister saying. Seems like he’s been goin’ around terrorising folk and threatening them, and now he’s got his comeuppance. Sister said as how it was a crying shame that whoever stabbed him didn’t do the job properly.

  ‘Sister knows all about him, on account of her cousin, who runs a pub down on the dockside. He was beaten nearly senseless by the gang of thugs this chap runs because he wouldn’t pay him protection money to leave his pub alone. Sister says it isn’t right that someone like ‘im should go around threatening decent law-abiding folk, and getting away wi’ it like ‘e’s bin doing, and that if she ‘ad her way …’

  ‘You are here to work, Nurse. Not to gossip,’ Connie stopped her firmly, well aware that the two girls were pulling faces at her behind her back, in the belief that she didn’t know. After all, hadn’t she and Vera and Josie, and even Mavis, at times, done exactly the same thing!

  The new patient might be a thoroughly bad lot but it was still her duty to nurse him, Connie reminded herself. She sent the two First Years about their business and made her way to the last bed, and pulled back the screen. She could hear the laboured sound of the man’s breathing as it faltered unsteadily, warning Connie that Sister had been right when she had said that he would need careful watching. He might have survived his wound and his blood loss, but that rasping, tortured breathing said that he was by no means out of danger.

  Connie stepped up to the bed and then froze, as recognition washed sickly over her.

  Fear and loathing filled her. She wanted to turn and run like the girl she had been; would have done, but she was not that girl any more, she reminded herself fiercely. She forced herself to stay where she was and look down into the unconscious face of the man who still haunted her worst nightmares.